with taking time off blogging, i’ve found how much i use blogging to process. i’m a constant taker in er. my eyes always darting from here to there – except when we are talking because then they would be all eyes on you and i’d be listening with my whole, over feeling, heart. listening and learning. and, naturally, after we parted ways, i’d be thinking about your words, my words, our words. feeling my way through your feelings. working through wisdom that weaved in and out of those mingled words that made up a conversation. a conversation that wasn’t just for then, but for the start of a continuing one.
so my eyes, always looking, never not noticing. even, when i tell them not to, they they are decoding things. even, things that make no difference, like how the cat stands on his hind legs, or the way the duvet crumpled to a cloud, this morning. i keep seeing meaning behind the meaning and wondering what the meaning of it is all, anyways.
when i started blogging it was a place to keep my this and thats, to write, and share inspiration (this is still why i blog). i just didn’t realize how much i use this method to work out all of the cataloging i do in my mind (any other catalogers out there?). how much i need to notice and then process.
i kind of knew this about myself, but became fully aware when one of my best friends had me take the strength finders test. have any of you taken it? i’ve done cajaillion tests over the years. i could tell you that i’m a golden retriever slash otter, that i’m part phlegmatic and that i’m not a D (disc test). strength finders has been the most comprehensive and telling test i’ve ever done. it focuses on your strengths, so you can know them, use them and flourish in them, rather than trying to fix where you are weak. when i read my results, it was kind of relieving because it helped me to understand myself better than i knew how to on my own. my friend coaches in strength finders, and so last summer we spent several hours just talking through these themes and me understanding them and myself a whole lot better. two of my top strengths were input and intellection (complete list of strengths here). i could of told you that i consider myself someone that likes to collect things (including information) and that i’m more of an introvert, but i couldn’t really expound on that and i was often apologizing for being this way. now, i see it as a strength. i’m wired to watch, collect, store information, be introspective, share ideas, read and write.
for me, i’m caught in the cycle of notice, process, share, repeat. when i skip the sharing, i’m likely on notice overload or procrastinating in the processing. i’m learning that is life. there are stairs for stepping, but sometimes there are times you run up the stairs or take 2 at a time.
i’d like to wrap this post up with a poignant point, but there isn’t one, per say. i’m processing my processing.
but, i guess i want to say to you, dear reader, is to consider that:
“what others might have told you (or what you may have told yourself) is a weakness, very well might be your greatest strength.”
maybe you’ve been told you talk too much. that gab can be a gift. maybe you’ve been told your too quiet. who knows what work will come out of those quiet moments of yours.
do you feel like you know yourself? tests, like strength finders, help but so does time. sometimes it just takes life and some living to know who you are at what you are made of. so live and learn, lovelies.
hoping to continue in this conversation next monday….
image / marriane faithfull, 1964 via they roared vintage