On Looking For Words

On Finding Words by La La Lovely Blog

I’m looking for words.

I know where to find them.

They are are huddled up inside my head.  Usually, when I leave them there, they group and they gather.  It’s like they meet for coffee and all discover they haven’t gotten out much and that they might as well just pour out like the steaming cup of coffee they’ve gathered for.  And, they do just that.  They pour out.  Pour out in my journal, on paper, and spill on this blog.  The pot is empty, the gathering gone, and I feel full.  But, these past two months I haven’t been able to pour.  If I’m lucky there is a drip, or a drop.  Mostly, there is only a slight aroma which evaporates into a tease of the rich taste I remember (It’s how I have to take my coffee these days anyways, only through the olfactory).

I’m not looking for words.

I know where to find them.

 

 

Only, it’s seems they are not huddled; they must be hibernating.  Do they know winter is coming?  That there has been a chill in the air and a fresh morning frost that has taken a jagged bite?  Are they slumbering or frozen or have they disappeared?  Maybe, I’m too busy tending the bite and trying to heal?  Or, maybe my words are mannered and feel that now is not the time to gather and group.  Maybe, they know that the coffee might scald and the cup couldn’t contain it?

I wish I could wake them.  Would they talk about couches or courage?  I wish they would come together.  I wish they would pour out.

They are not pouring.

So, I am typing.

Typing letters and making words.  Wondering if they will make sentences or sense.  “Maybe,” I tell myself,  “If I click the keyboard, something will click?”  I haven’t forgotten how to ride the bike; I just wonder if I want to ride the bike, today?  I love the bike.  It takes me places.  It’s a formed piece of freedom.  Wind in my hair, freckles dancing on my face.  I feel free.  Free like I did when I was ten and the only thing I was tied to was being home by dark.

So, I am typing.

With a punch of “T” and an “R” and a “Y.”  I try.

A short ride, with a slow peddling, just around the cul-de-sac.  No wind blowing.  No freckles dancing.  But, my feet, they know what to do.  Peddle.  Type.  Try.  And, in the slow start that is really taking me no where, only around the short street that ends with a circle, I feel like I’ve gone somewhere.  I’ve peddled.  I’ve typed.  I’ve tried.  Actually, I remember what it feels like to peddle right off the street I live on.  It feels like freedom.

Tomorrow, or maybe the day after, I’ll peddle, type and try.   Perhaps, the words will awaken from the whisper of the wind?  The coffee is on, and the aroma is freedom.  I think, just like they’ve always done, they will group and gather and pour themselves out into any and every empty cup, not even caring if it spills over.

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Responses

  • bernadette
    Commented on November 10th, 2015 at 11:58am

    You are a beautiful writer!!! Your words touch my soul.

  • Trina
    Commented on November 10th, 2015 at 12:53pm

    Thank you, Bernadette!

  • Rebecca
    Commented on November 10th, 2015 at 4:02pm

    I had to take a deep breath after reading this… not realizing that I was holding my breath! This speaks so deeply to me as I plod through the first steps of writing in my new (online) home. Keep up the amazing work!

  • Trina
    Commented on November 11th, 2015 at 11:28am

    I once read that “the hardest part about writing, is writing.” I had nothing to say yesterday, but just sat down to type….and some words came. I’m so glad it resonated. Good luck in your new space…so exciting. xo . t

  • dawn
    Commented on November 11th, 2015 at 8:13am

    dear miss trina, i have been thinking of you on and off lately … wondering how you are doing … being … this post was just beautiful … take your time … don’t rush to gather your words, life has different seasons … my thoughts are with you x

  • Trina
    Commented on November 11th, 2015 at 11:30am

    thank you, sweet Dawn. I’m doing better. Good days and not as good days…I’m doing my best to listen to wisdom and my body….and, hoping a few words will escape here and there. I always feel better when they do. hope you are well. xo . t

  • Tara
    Commented on November 15th, 2015 at 6:20pm

    just thinking about you

  • Trina
    Commented on November 17th, 2015 at 11:15am

    thank you…..xo

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