An Honest Post on Parenting

parenting

I have been a mom for thirteen years.  I find this hard to believe.  But time goes fast and if you have a toddler, blink blink, tomorrow they will be a teenager.

It would seem that by now I should know a thing or two.  But here is the beauty of kids, just when you feel like you are starting to get a handle on something they grow.  Move into the next phase.  Or the next one comes along and is completely different.   Parenting always keeps you on your toes.

One time my mom told me . . . .

parenting

I have been a mom for thirteen years. I find this hard to believe. But time goes fast and if you have a toddler, blink blink, tomorrow they will be a teenager.

It would seem that by now I should know a thing or two. But here is the beauty of kids, just when you feel like you are starting to get a handle on something they grow. Move into the next phase. Or the next one comes along and is completely different. Parenting always keeps you on your toes.

One time my mom told me . . . .

“Little kid, little problem.  Big kid, big problem.”  This was probably some sleepy morning that I can’t remember because I was up all night bouncing a screaming baby, offering the boob till I bled, and crying along with baby because no-thing was working.  I probably rolled my eyes and said “whatever,” like the teenager I have, now, says to me.

But, it’s true.  She was right.  It makes sense.

I felt like a terrible mother this morning.  I do most mornings, honestly.  With four kids, someone is always crabby.  Some days it’s me.  I’m always forgetting something.  Or, they are.  Today it was permission slip.  Tomorrow it could be lunch.  We are always running late.  I try to fit too much into the morning.  They move too slow.  Today, Rocco wouldn’t wear his shoes because they were dirty – on the bottom!  “I don’t like that cereal.”  “She is looking at me.”  “He breathed on my breakfast.”   “I hate my life (teenager).”  “It’s not fair (toddler).”  And, so it goes.  Them off to school.  Me back home.  All of us hurried, harried, and huffing.

Today, was particularly sour because as they get older they really learn to zing you.  It’s like someone gives them a keyboard and then instructs them, “punch these buttons, right here!”  They are smart and clever and can really hurt your feelings.  I know some moms that are tough and don’t let these things bother them.  They have thick skin.  Mine is paper thin.  And I’m the type that worries I’m not doing enough, being enough, good enough.  I’m not a helicopter mom.  I don’t do everything for my kids.  I just want them to be happy.  Funny thing is, what I’m learning as a grown girl (and probably late in my own life) is that I can’t always be happy or keep those around me happy.  I can’t fix everything for my kids…..even though I want to.  Maybe part of parenting is allowing them to learn this at a young age.

We can try until we die to keep those around us happy, at all times, and we will fail.  Because we can never be enough, give enough, do enough.  This is a hard lesson to learn – for some more than others (that would be me).

So, forget about the instagram post that “so and so” just shared about her perfect “looking” kids (nothing is perfect, not even perfectly styled photos).  Forget about super soccer mom next door who takes her kids to every activity.  Forget about their friend’s fun mom who plays games everyday.  Forget about the ideal mother you’ve made up in your mind — the one you always wanted to be.  Forget about it.

God has given you exactly what you need to parent your children, along with grace for each day.  We don’t have to be good enough because He is more then enough.  Where we miss things, He makes up for it.  Where we lack, He supplies.  What we can’t give, He can.  He is a Father, after all.

This post is really all over the place.  Maybe I’m just writing to myself today?  Reminding myself that I don’t have what it takes and yet I do.  I can’t meet every need, but God can.  And at the end of a very long day, this is what I want to teach my children at a young age.

So here is to all the moms who’s mornings are crazy and make them feel crazy.  You are not alone. You are not a bad mom.  Your kids are going to be ok.  You are going to be ok.

Do your best and leave the rest to the Father.

xo . Trina

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Responses

  • Kim Glenn
    Commented on March 9th, 2016 at 11:10am

    Hang in, Mom! If I believe God doesn’t make mistakes, then I also have to believe that He made me mom to these children intentionally. He knew my strengths and weaknesses and chose me anyway!

  • Trina
    Commented on March 9th, 2016 at 6:22pm

    Yes and Amen. xo . Trina

  • Jo
    Commented on March 9th, 2016 at 2:36pm

    Thank you so much for this post. It’s beautiful and just what I needed to hear today.

  • Trina
    Commented on March 9th, 2016 at 6:23pm

    I’m so glad to hear that…I wasn’t sure about hitting publish today. But then thought… if I’m feeling this … others are too. Glad it resonated! xo . Trina

  • Tara
    Commented on March 9th, 2016 at 6:04pm

    I have a 15 year old and almost a 13 year old now and yet I feel like I am the child most of the time. I get my feelings hurt and feel inferior by this job almost on a daily basis. I feel like I do too much and then I feel bad when I push them to do things on their own and they push back. I just have to hope in the end that they know that I always had their best interest at heart and love them unconditionally. Thanks for another beautiful and comforting post Trina!!

  • Trina
    Commented on March 9th, 2016 at 6:59pm

    Isn’t funny how we never feel totally grown up. At least I don’t…not yet. I remember someone telling me that, “parents are just kids who grew up and had kids.” It’s a balance the “too much” and “not enough” and somehow we never feel like we are getting it right. But, I do know that many of the things that my parents taught me – eventually stuck. Hang in there momma…you are doing a great job! xo. t

  • Savvy in San Francisco
    Commented on March 23rd, 2016 at 1:24am

    Trina – You just described our mornings over here Mon-Fri! I feel like I’m yelling at all three of them to GET IN THE CAR (in the no more wire hangers voice). #wearehuman #doingthebestthatwecan #theystillloveus – Melissa XX

  • Trina
    Commented on March 29th, 2016 at 10:48pm

    Well, then I’m in good company. Isn’t it always so relieving to know you are not alone. Mornings are so hairy…I never thought I’d be a yeller…but I confess, I am. Yes…we are human and doing the best we can. xo .t

  • Maria del mar
    Commented on March 23rd, 2016 at 4:44am

    I see your words touched so many moms out there Trina. You are strong and I am glad you shared this post. I am not a mom yet , one day. I do remember being a challenge as a teenager decades ago. My mom struggled at times but she always showed me that she loved me and never stopped being there for me. As you said, whatever is missing , God will provide. And we always remerber what our parents did for us with their best intention.One day you will all laugh when you look back at this period in time.

    Bisous from Paris!

  • Trina
    Commented on March 29th, 2016 at 10:45pm

    Thank you, Maria. Now that I’m a parent, I know my parents did the best they could and I’ve had to say sorry for acting like I knew it all – because clearly I didn’t : ) xo . t

  • Erin
    Commented on April 2nd, 2016 at 3:03pm

    Thanks so much for that post. Being a parent has made me feel so weak. And in that weakness God’s grace is way more obvious to me. Growing up has been so much more about seeing my own short comings rather than “arriving” at maturity. It’s like I keep getting worse and worse. Fortunately, my understanding of God’s grace and love have gotten better and better, making me realize that those short comings can bind me to my Father. And close to your Father is the safest place to be.

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