one of my goals this year revolves around the word strong. indeed, it has everything to do with wanting to be strong physically. a big, loud, and resounding, YES, i’d very much like to look like the lovely in the photo above. being all strong and, likely, centered. i’m not overly fanciful in my imagination of how i think i might end up looking if i work a rigid plan. honestly, more like realistically, i won’t be rigid because that is a fool proof plan to make me not work a plan. but, this isn’t about a plan or weight loss goal, it’s about feeling and being STRONG.
since i put that word out there, without intentionally thinking about it, i have been subconsciously mulling over it. i’ve been walking and doing weights, drinking a bit more water and taking vitamins (slowly bringing back good habits) and perhaps naively i thought i’d start feeling a small increase in energy. only, it’s been the contrary. i’m still feeling heavy and sluggish and eye ball popping tired. newborn baby tired. can you see the bags under my eyes (i think they are permanent).
i’ll keep at it and and add more greens, and add more sleep, and start my yoga, and try to remember to breathe (more).
but, strong comes from a place beyond exercise, rock hard abs and an 8 glass a day water drinking habit.
i feel behind and a little out of sorts. i like my goals, resolutions, or whatever you like to call them best, written, then typed, and and sometimes shared. because, as a blogger isn’t that what i’m suppose to do? share? and share on schedule? i took a little break from blogging, as i do, which unexpectedly turned into a break from social media too. and, subsequently, i’ve had a hard time getting back into the swing of things. i felt like a holed up hermit hibernating with honeys in my home, safe from the cold cotton like snow and the snowy white noise of the online world. it was strange, and weird, and kind of wonderful. not being hurried strangely kind of makes me feel harried until i can just hunker down and be. and, in the being, i had a hard time resoluting and gathering goals. the thing is, i like to take my time to ponder. ponder, reflect and process, to be exact. this year, there just happens to be a lot (more than i wish) to ponder, process and reflect upon. i started feeling the pressure when no list materialized by the second of january. as someone who has been systematically writing out new years goals since i was a girl, i initially felt troubled. i continued to ignore the pressure to tick it off my list and concluded that a lingering list would work wonders as opposed to the list i usually force in two hours time. i gathered that it may take a few days (maybe even a few weeks) to reflect on this past year and to wonder about the next. i started writing things here and there as they came to me (paper and pen always near by) and let go of the pressure of completing it all. i did find some alone time (which i highly recommend) to really think about the last year and after i did that, i was able to clean up that lingering list, which i am proud to say is not, yet, 100% complete. it is lingering after all.
everyone has a different system. some of my friends choose a word for each year (i’m working on one of my own) and others write goals that are so detailed they border on being a full fledged business plans. finding what works for you, personally, takes time and may change over time. i just encourage you to find the time to reflect, wonder and dream a bit. my lists are personal, professional, specific, vague, attainable and unattainable. i like them that way. i know i’ll do some crossing off and i know some things will work themselves right over into next years list. some years i’ve surprised myself by crossing off a few unattainable things which makes me more apt to write down a few crazy things. you just never know. but, what i do know is that life is a little more intentional (and often more exciting) when there is a list of dreams before us.
how do you do goals / resolutions? and, do tell me, what are a few things on your list this year?
a few things on my lingering list this year are:
do you have any holiday traditions?
i almost didn’t do christmas cards this year. i’m trying to cut back on the hustle and bustle and the “have tos,” i seemingly always put on myself. i love sending cards, but just the thought of outfits and photos and wrangling made me heavily tired. thus, i succumbed to my weariness and congratulated my self on letting go a bit.
but . . . then i remembered my own personal little tradition.
i’ve been thinking about moments. moments and days to be exact. the thought that it is a million little moments that are the matter and making of our days.
the days we live in, long for, wish away, rush through, and sometimes waste, are made of moments. and, it is the moments that make and shape us into who we are, not the days.
with the change of season i’m thinking
abruptly or slowly, yet never the same.
and, so is each day
different and new – but deceivingly the same.
same schedule, same tasks
same people, same dance.
the trick is the moment.
not to be duplicated, nor ever relived.
a slight variation of words, of ways, and even breath.
breath deep the air of today
and the moments that melt away.
photo by trina mcneilly
how do you handle hard days? they are different for you than they might be for me. and, it’s possible they might very much be the same. a hard day this week could, very well, look different than a devil of day last week. you never can tell. all though sometimes, i think you can. and, what i like to tell is, those days to scat.
i have had a lot of hard days knocking down my doors this last year, and i’ve been attempting a lot of scatting and shooing. why, sometimes whole days have been swallowed up in the sport of shooing. then there is wishing. wishing the days away or for some type of escape. when, at the end of it, you sometimes wish you wouldn’t have wished for anything except a nap. and, when none of that seems to work than i always seem to believe french fries will. french fries and friends, maybe? but, the truth is there are days when even ice cream won’t do the trick. you know those days too?
when all you can do is stand still. tell your mind to be quiet and maybe whisper a prayer. the simplest prayer you’ve ever prayed. “help.” surprisingly, i’m coming to find that to be one of the most powerful prayers i’ve ever prayed.
help. it doesn’t always come the way we thought and certainly not always the way we want, but it comes. i’m finding, it comes. it comes in the form of a perfectly blue sky and bright shining sun that somehow warms you all the way to your weary heart. it comes by way of the phone, through the encouraging words of a friend. it comes in words written many moons ago as if written just for you. it comes. and the bad days go. and, they come again. it’s life. but, next time don’t be afraid to ask for or even look for help. and, maybe you’ll find soon enough that you, yourself, will be help to someone else who needs it so desperately.
so tell me do you have these kinds of days?
although being practical is sometimes hard to attain when you are in the middle of something . . .
these are some practical things that seem to help me when i’m having hard days :